Friday, October 30, 2009

Relationship Mistakes

So I am normally what my husband calls "a man hater". He gets this because I enjoy music by Pink and other artists who sometimes sing hateful songs against men. But lately I have been hearing a lot of complaints from single ladies about how good men are hard to find (yes, I will admit that the area that we live in does contain many dead beats). Let me first set the record straight that yes men make many relationship mistakes and majority of men do not remember anything important in a relationship that a woman may deem important. However, with that said ... I do need to admit that it is not always the mans fault.

::cringe:: Sorry ladies but I said it. Sometimes us women make relationship mistakes that cause us to be single.

Below are common mistakes that women make. PS. I did get some help from a article that I have provided the link.

1. Thinking you will never get over him. You will. Dwelling on what could have been is not healthy. Go out and live your life. You will get over him.

2. Spying. This can qualify as many things that women do. Checking your man text messages in a "no no". When I say checking text messages I do mean incoming messages and out going messages. Reading emails in a "no no". You should never read his messages and then ask what what they mean and who they are from for every female. Stalking out at places that you know he goes is a "no no". Going to his work is a "no no". Oh and last but not least driving by his house to see if he is home is a "no no". Don't be psycho ladies.

3. Thinking your man does and should be interested in everything you do, think, or say. Yes, you should have some common things. But there has got to be something that you like that he doesn't or that he likes that you don't. That's what makes things interesting.
Key note: please do not take up a hobby because you man likes it. For instant, if you have no interest in Country music but your new hubby loves Garth Brooks DO NOT all of a sudden own every Garth Brooks song on your ipod and rock out to it in your car. It is okay if you are genuinely interested in something that your hubby likes that you never knew about. But if you have always hated country music don't all of a sudden front like you love it. Be your own person ladies. You want a man who loves you for who you are ... not who you think he wants.

4. Displacing. If you are mad because he does not put the toilet seat down then tell him you are mad because he doesn't put the toilet seat down. However, don't change it into something about how he feels about you or your relationship.

5. Expecting too much. Relationships are not like the movies. Nothing is perfect. Think about the most perfect couple you know and I am willing to bet that they have relationship issues too. Love is not like a fairly tale your mother read to you about before bed or what Disney has told you. You have good days and bad and just how you handle them that makes everything okay.

6. Stagnating. You can't just sit there and wonder why you don't have a boyfriend. No one is going to come and find you. Get yourself out there!

7. Slacking. A lot of people like to say a relationship is when 2 people come 50-50 and compromise. I believe that a truly good relationship is when 2 people both come 100-100. Relationships are not easy and if anyone tells you they are then they are wrong. Every great couple will tell you that they work hard to make their relationship work. Sitting there and just listing all the reasons why your partner sucks gets nothing accomplished.

8. Isolating. Oh ladies so many of you do this. Yes, you have fallen in love ... and then you forget about everything else. Dropping your friends when you fall in love is not healthy. Friend help define who you are and are your rock when you are down.
Side note: Ladies every wonder how you go from being in the great "honeymoon" stage and then all of a sudden he doesn't want to hang out anymore? The he breaks up with you and you don't know why? It's because you are always around! He fell in love with you for a reason. But all of a sudden all you do is hang out with him. Remember you are combining two lives not ditching yours and joining his.

9. Fantasizing. Ladies, you life with not be complete when you find a man. No man can fix all your problems. You will some day find a man who will be your partner in life. But he will not magically fix everything wrong with your life.

10. Using the silent treatment. Men are not mind readers. As much as we would like to think they know what they did wrong ... they don't. Yes, men really are that dumb. Yes, they really don't know. No, most of them really aren't lying when they say they don't know what is wrong. Just tell him what's wrong.

11. Denying. Problems do not go away. If something is wrong just say so. If you let things fester soon every little thing wil get on your nerves. Pretending you do not have a problem is even worse. If you keep pretending soon others will notice that something is wrong. You don't want to be that couple.

12. Standing along. In a healthly relationship you lean on each other. Sometime you will be his rock and sometimes he will be yours. That is what is healthy. If he constantly saving you and you are never there for him then there will be a problem. Balance ladies. Superman is a myth and even he had bad days.

13. Over analyzing. Women think way too much (and men try not to think at all). Wondering why he text instead of calling. Wondering why he only called 2 twice today instead of 3 times. Wondering why he cancelled on getting ice cream when he loves ice cream. Wondering why he picked up on the 4th ring when he always picks up on the 2nd ring. Oh my gaaawd! Most men just do things. They really don't think so you really shouldn't either.

14. Trying to reinvent the relationship wheel. YOU are NOT the exception. YOU can NOT change him. If it seems too good to be true then it probably is. Never think "well maybe I am the exception" because you are not. If you think you might be you will probably be in for a heartache.

If you have not watch "He's just not into you" or read the book ... you should.

To my single ladies ... you guys will be fine. Take a deep breath. Find yourself and when you do you will also find the man who will be your partner in life because if you don't know who you are how will someone else.


PS. My credential is on my ring finger on my left hand.

1 comment:

  1. Good points, the 50-50 thing is so true, good relationships are 100-100!! I like what you had to say, it was true AND encouraging!! The quality of life should not be dependent on a man. Men love women who know who they are, girls need to find themselves and LIKE themselves before someone else will.